I spend a lot of time reflecting on my comedically bad dating track record. While it’s provided no shortage of entertaining stories, I genuinely believe it’s the reason I could ideate Goblins—it’s given me a front-row seat to how dating has evolved (and in many ways, devolved).
Looking back on my bad dates over the last fifteen years, dating was always challenging—but the wheels used to fall off later down the funnel. People at least put in some effort: there was a shared intention to meet, clear plans were made, and conversations were two-sided. It wasn’t always great, but it took longer for things to go off the rails.
Now, for whatever reason, the bad dating experience happens right off the jump. With thousands of options at our fingertips and the illusion of endless choice, effort has collapsed at the earliest stages. Profiles are low-effort and devoid of substance. Matches turn into dead-end conversations where responses trickle in but no questions are asked in return. If a date is suggested, it’s vague and non-committal: "We should do something sometime." And when dates do happen, it’s become uncomfortably common for cisgender straight men to walk away thinking they had an excellent date—completely unaware that their date asked all the questions and did all the listening. They’re then baffled when they don’t get a second date, the cycle continues, and they become resentful they're not having any success.
Of course, this perspective is rooted in my personal experiences, as well as those of women in my network, and across TikTok. But the pattern is hard to ignore and it's why we insist on hand-approving profiles at Goblins to screen for substance in a profile-- much to the chagrin of some unhappy people. And psst, no we don't base it on photos.
"Ok, but I added what I’m mainly looking for, why does that even matter? Shouldn’t it just be enough that my profile isn’t inappropriate? Other apps approve profiles immediately if they don’t break the rules. Plus, you’re just making more work for yourself by being this strict." - Someone who's profile was not approved
I’ve spent some time reflecting on why dating feels so broken, and I've identified a phenomenon that I'm calling the Potato Chip Theory. Imagine dating as a potluck dinner. The majority of attendees nowadays? They're showing up with a bag of potato chips- bare minimum, low-effort. And yet, they're frustrated when people who brought deviled eggs (in this economy!) or hamburgers aren't interested in engaging. The audacity and entitlement are incredible, why would someone who invested time and effort want to share with someone who didn't think it was worth bringing more to the table (literally and figuratively)?
What’s worse, is when the folks who brought potato chips are also indignant that everyone else brought potato chips. Why is the selection so disappointing? Because you and everyone else opted for the lowest-effort option! Again, a baffling lack of self-awareness—expecting a five-course meal while offering nothing but a bag of chips. And no, that Marilyn Monroe "If you can't handle me at my worst..." quote doesn’t apply here. No one’s interested in investing in what you could bring to the table when the starting point is... nothing.
This is why at Goblins we don't care when people get angry when we insist on hand-approving all profiles. Honestly? We’re proud of that (and I like irritating over-inflated egos). Sure, it definitely creates more work for me and my team, but we want Goblins to be known for having a quality, engaged community. We’re exclusively inclusive— kind of like Raya, except we don’t care about how hot you are or how many followers you have. We just require putting in a little effort for the people you’re hoping to meet.
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