2025 in Review: A Very Sneaky Glow-Up

A friend recently mentioned to me that bamboo takes 2–5 years to seed but then it grows up to 3 feet a day. “Oh, so Goblins is the bamboo of startups!” I joked. After googling, it turns out that fact is (mostly) inaccurate but the idea still resonates.

Truthfully, part of me feels a little prickly at how Goblins, on the surface, looks a lot like it did a year ago. We’re still not mobile-friendly and hand-approving profiles still only gets done if I take time away from other work. But foundationally, we've accomplished so much these past few months.

Earlier this year, despite me being a solo, non-technical founder, Goblins was one of 13 startups chosen out of 10,000+ applicants to participate in 500 Global’s accelerator program- putting us in a very tiny percentage of female-founded startups that’ve secured VC funding. It allowed us to pay off our company AmEx and get me working alongside other driven founders, something I didn't have while pet sitting around the country. So, I sold my house, packed up my life, and moved out to California to get Goblins a little more sunlight.

It was in the Bay Area that I found myself at an event with a well-respected VC who, on paper, was someone I was genuinely excited to introduce Goblins to. Despite my skepticism of external capital, this guy has the experience and background to be the perfect Goblins' ally. I sidled up to him and just as I opened my mouth to introduce myself, he accidentally dumped coffee all over the floor… and then just… walked away. Zero acknowledgment of anything having happened.

As I cleaned up that guy’s coffee, I realized that no matter his reputation, I wouldn't want someone like that having even a fraction of a stake in shaping Goblins’ future. If you arrogantly walk away from a spill so publicly, how are you treating people when no one’s watching? Those are exactly the kinds of investors who force communities into enshittification for profit and I’d rather move slowly if it means being able to keep my promise to never commercialize loneliness.

Why is holding that line important to me? Because the concept of Goblins was born in a period of my life where, months after my dad died, I found myself crying in a dentist chair because the hygienist’s gloved hand was resting on my cheek and the human touch was so unfamiliar. Goblins exists because I know what it feels like to desperately need connection in a world where, despite being more online than ever, it’s still incredibly hard to meet new friends (or romantic connections) as an introvert.

In the last six months, veterans of Twitch, Discord, Thumbtack, and Etsy have joined our team and thanks to an incredible partner, we’ve finally unlocked enough resources to afford full-time platform development for a bit. Every dollar we’ve brought in has gone straight back into building the platform because I’m impatient for Goblins to offer a seamless onboarding experience so that we can start getting the word out. Stay tuned for specifics soooon!

In the meantime, if you believe in what we’re building, you can support us by:

1. Purchasing Goblins University- a comprehensive 18-session course with practical, neurodivergent-friendly dating advice compiled by yours truly. Selling just 5,000 of them would allow us to bootstrap Goblins for 1.5 years. I'll also be hosting free weekly webinars on how to improve your dating app profile-- RSVP here!

2. Supporting us on Patreon, even $3/month truly makes a difference.

3. Making sure you're on the Goblins waitlist

Thanks for following this journey, Goblin. You're the best.

Chaos and cheer,